Saturday, October 3, 2009


I am ready for Fall to come and summer to loosen it's grip and slowly fade. I am ready for the leaves to turn golden and hair to go silver. I am ready for life to turn the page and memories to fade. I am ready for the warmth of the day to turn to chill and for frost to grow in the morning. I am ready for Fall.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

working on the wheel.

Today I worked on the pottery wheel, for 12 hours. I forgot how much I love throwing things on the wheel and how much I love working with the clay with my hands. At the moment I'm not very good, but I know I will continue to get better.

I just feel so connected with the Earth, with the World when I'm working with clay. I see my humanity so much in the clay. I find myself being molded and shaped, wedged into the image of the Great Molder. He molded me, us, from the beginning and breathed life into us.....Now I'm a walking moving piece of earth made alive by his His Spirit inside of me, which is inwardly molding me and shaping me.

Here is a project one of my friends did highlighting my work with clay last semester...enjoy.... :-).

Oh, BTW, a new band I discovered..... Breathe Owl secret obsession with owls is migrating to my music.

Monday, August 10, 2009

How to Pray According to Mother Teresa.

The past few days have been at a standstill for me, spiritually, physically, and physiologically. I have had no desire to pray, which is the worst thing ever. Not praying is like not breathing, not being connected to your life source. Yet, for some reason I just felt that I was too sinful, too flawed, too horrible to ask the Author of Life for anything. I felt my sin weighing in on me, like sticky glue, stuck to me, and demobilizing. I felt like the present darkness was overwhelming me. There was no way I could reach out to the light, because second I was a millimeter away from the Light it vanished only to reappear further and further way.

Then my friend Richard sent me her words. Her words somehow penetrated the darkness. they somehow shone, and it seemed to me, that maybe, maybe she was right and perhaps I could touch the light...

Her words were true, and the mouth that they uttered from was Mother Teresa's. Mother Teresa. One of the most humble people ever. One of the most truthful. One of the most beautiful. And most importantly, One of the most loving. A woman who changed the course of the World, simply by praying and coming to the Lord with this attitude:

"When time come when we can't pray it is very simple: if Jesus is in my heart, let Him pray, let me allow Him to pray in me, to talk to His Father in the silence of my heart. Since I cannot speak, He will speak; since I cannot pray. He will pray. Thats why often we should say "Jesus in my heart, I believe in your faithful love for me, I love you" and often we should be in that unity with Him and allow Him and when we have nothing to give - let us give Him that nothingness. when we cannot pray - let us give that inability to Him. There is one more reason to let Him pray in us to the Father. Let us ask Him to pray in us, for no one knows the Father better than He."

Packing Up Poetry

I'm packing to go back to BIOLA and in the midst of packing and going through my room I found several old poems that I wrote when I was 15. They share the depth of my depression I was going through at that time. I don't write poetry anymore. I suppose it is because I'm not sad enough to write it. Perhaps. Either that or I've just changed. Or maybe it's a bit of both.

Poem 1

I saw a tree grow tall,
in the western wood.
It's golden green leaves hung out branching,
Quietly towering.

I heard a tree fall,
in the western wood.
the ax of men was too sharp and so it fell,
Quietly death-showering.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


I love playing UNO with my brother. I wish we could play it more often.
My brother is the BEST BROTHER ever. He came home from nearly two weeks away from home (looking at colleges, and band camp took up his time). I missed him sooooo much.
He beat me at UNO tonight.
Next time I play I'll beat him.

Friday, August 7, 2009


Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

That's what I feel like right now. I feel like I need Help, not just anybody's help, and no matter where I turn or who I ask, the help is simply unattainable. Odd. I know. But in other words, HELP.

Thursday, August 6, 2009


I hate bad dreams (nightmares) that are so realistic that you wonder if someday they really will come true.