Ready....

I am ready for Fall to come and summer to loosen it's grip and slowly fade. I am ready for the leaves to turn golden and hair to go silver. I am ready for life to turn the page and memories to fade. I am ready for the warmth of the day to turn to chill and for frost to grow in the morning. I am ready for Fall.

working on the wheel.

Today I worked on the pottery wheel, for 12 hours. I forgot how much I love throwing things on the wheel and how much I love working with the clay with my hands. At the moment I'm not very good, but I know I will continue to get better.

I just feel so connected with the Earth, with the World when I'm working with clay. I see my humanity so much in the clay. I find myself being molded and shaped, wedged into the image of the Great Molder. He molded me, us, from the beginning and breathed life into us.....Now I'm a walking moving piece of earth made alive by his His Spirit inside of me, which is inwardly molding me and shaping me.

Here is a project one of my friends did highlighting my work with clay last semester...enjoy.... :-).




Oh, BTW, a new band I discovered..... Breathe Owl Breathe...my secret obsession with owls is migrating to my music.

How to Pray According to Mother Teresa.

The past few days have been at a standstill for me, spiritually, physically, and physiologically. I have had no desire to pray, which is the worst thing ever. Not praying is like not breathing, not being connected to your life source. Yet, for some reason I just felt that I was too sinful, too flawed, too horrible to ask the Author of Life for anything. I felt my sin weighing in on me, like sticky glue, stuck to me, and demobilizing. I felt like the present darkness was overwhelming me. There was no way I could reach out to the light, because second I was a millimeter away from the Light it vanished only to reappear further and further way.

Then my friend Richard sent me her words. Her words somehow penetrated the darkness. they somehow shone, and it seemed to me, that maybe, maybe she was right and perhaps I could touch the light...

Her words were true, and the mouth that they uttered from was Mother Teresa's. Mother Teresa. One of the most humble people ever. One of the most truthful. One of the most beautiful. And most importantly, One of the most loving. A woman who changed the course of the World, simply by praying and coming to the Lord with this attitude:

"When time come when we can't pray it is very simple: if Jesus is in my heart, let Him pray, let me allow Him to pray in me, to talk to His Father in the silence of my heart. Since I cannot speak, He will speak; since I cannot pray. He will pray. Thats why often we should say "Jesus in my heart, I believe in your faithful love for me, I love you" and often we should be in that unity with Him and allow Him and when we have nothing to give - let us give Him that nothingness. when we cannot pray - let us give that inability to Him. There is one more reason to let Him pray in us to the Father. Let us ask Him to pray in us, for no one knows the Father better than He."

Packing Up Poetry

I'm packing to go back to BIOLA and in the midst of packing and going through my room I found several old poems that I wrote when I was 15. They share the depth of my depression I was going through at that time. I don't write poetry anymore. I suppose it is because I'm not sad enough to write it. Perhaps. Either that or I've just changed. Or maybe it's a bit of both.

Poem 1

I saw a tree grow tall,
in the western wood.
It's golden green leaves hung out branching,
Quietly towering.

I heard a tree fall,
in the western wood.
the ax of men was too sharp and so it fell,
Quietly death-showering.

UNO

I love playing UNO with my brother. I wish we could play it more often.
My brother is the BEST BROTHER ever. He came home from nearly two weeks away from home (looking at colleges, and band camp took up his time). I missed him sooooo much.
He beat me at UNO tonight.
Next time I play I'll beat him.

HELP!

Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

That's what I feel like right now. I feel like I need Help, not just anybody's help, and no matter where I turn or who I ask, the help is simply unattainable. Odd. I know. But in other words, HELP.

Nightmares

I hate bad dreams (nightmares) that are so realistic that you wonder if someday they really will come true.

*sigh*

ReAWAKENing, tithing

Well.....I haven't blogged in a month and a half.

I'm sorry guys! The world caught up with me; weddings, swimming, running, work, ice skating, cliff jumping, church, and trying to stay alive is a LOT to do in one Summer. Somehow I am managing.


I can't wait to see what this next week is going to bring. I am going off into the wilderness of Lake Tahoe, and I'm going to spend a few days away from EVERYONE there. I need to do this, just because I have to get away from what people are telling me to do and do what the One tells me to do. In order to follow the One I have to listen to His voice. However His voice is becoming clearer and clearer to me here is something He released to me that it was okay to share with you:

One struggle being in college is connecting with local churches, and finding one that believes, nurtures and values and is a good steward of my money. I hadn't given my tithe to the local church, I usually give to Missions Organizations instead of the church. However, at home the church that I go to blesses me so much and is a great steward, and I felt it on my heart to give to this church, but for some reason or another I kept forgetting to bring my check book to church. Well, during the week, I had this dream, it was the most clear (as in visually clear) dream I've ever had from the LORD and in it the LORD said to me: "If you do not tithe, then you cannot take part as my daughter." I woke up right after that, and wow it was intense!!!! I did not understand it because in my mind I thought: "You can't buy your way into the Kingdom of Heaven! What is God talking about?" Somehow I just knew that dream was from the LORD.

Saturday came around and I was late to church, but I got there as quickly as I could and I remember praying: "LORD please don't have them take the offering until I get there." I got there, and after a song or two the offering was taken and I gave my tithe. Then my pastor goes up front and starts to give a sermon about tithing, and his sermon explained what my dream meant. Because I was not tithing at a local church I was under a curse from God. (Malachi 3:9-10 "You are cursed with a curse, for you have robbed Me, even this whole nation. Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house. Prove (test) Me in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you such a blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it." ) Then the pastor began to explain if we do not tithe we could not receive the full blessings that God has in store for his children. He used these verses: 1 John 3:9 "Those who have been born of God's family do not make a practice of sinning, because God's life is in them. So they can't keep on sinning, because they are children of God." If I continued in this delayed obedience (which was on par with disobedience, sin) I could not receive blessings of being God's child, or even have the privilege to take part as his daughter.

In a Lightning Storm

I was sitting on my bed about to go to sleep, but the rain was constantly pitter patting outside my window to a 4 count tempo. So instead of closing my eyes, I opened them and walked out of my house.

It was time, time to run, in my pajamas, barefoot, in the rain outside. It didn't matter that it was 12 AM or that outside thunder and lightning were conversing with each other as the rain fell upon the earth. Actually those very factors made the idea of running even more appealing, even more romantic.

I opened the door and danced in our court, danced to the strobe lights of the lightning and the beat of the thunder with the rhythm of the rain to the sleeping neighborhood and then I let loose. I ran down my street, fast, furious, hoping to gain freedom. The mewithoutYou song Timothy Hay began to float in my head. The last lines where on repeat in my mind:

What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God there must be!
What a beautiful God, what a beautiful God, what a beautiful God there must be!

Those were the perfect words to my day: Thunder and Lightning Storms in the beginning of June starting at dusk continuing on through midnight, time of intercession and fellowship with my dear friend Sandi Padilla, and the rescue of a baby owl.

I will start with Sandi. Sandi is a dear prophet friend of mine. She hears the voice of God so clearly, and I am so blessed that I get to have fellowship with her. Today we spent nearly the entire day together, blessing one another. We are fighting the battle of freedom together this summer. Often times I get so discouraged about the battle that I am fighting, when I see the temptations becoming sins and taking root in my life. I am so blessed that Sandi is walking with me and encouraging me as I encourage her. On my way home from Sandi time, I saw a little owl on the side of the road, sitting there with frightened eyes.

He was so tiny, no bigger than my hand so I pulled over to offer my assistance. His beak was bleeding. I'm not a nurse, nor a caretaker, but I do have a mother heart and so I offered the little orphan owl what I could. I picked him up and put him in my car in the passenger seat, and I drove him home. I wanted to keep the little bird, but my mother had other ideas so I was forced to take him to the bird Sanctuary. I hope he did find sanctuary there, the lady there who checked him in did not seem friendly.

My thoughts turned to the present again as my feet felt the earth beneath them and I smiled to myself as I experienced this freedom. There certainly is a beautiful God, a God who lets me feel the earth and run, a God who creates storms, a God who uses people to speak into my life, a God who lets me be friends with baby Owls, a God who is beautiful beyond all description. What a beautiful God, What a beautiful God, What a beuatiful God there must be and I'm glad I know him. At that moment the rain stopped and I felt my cleansed body restored. There is no more Sin, Only Freedom.

Isolation morphed into Solitude and Solitude slowly melted away as I was invited by my dear Kassan and Grace to accompany them to Bethel. Bethel is a church in Redding 3 hours away from our home, made famous primarily by the movie “Finger of God.” (which I highly recommend to anyone interested or uninterested)



Kassan and Grace are both in High School and some of the sweetest girls I know. Grace reminds me so much of myself when I was in High School and it’s such a blessing I have to be a part of her life and see her grow. Kassan is short for Kassandra. She has one of the most agreeable dispositions I have encountered and she carries herself in a love and gentleness beyond her years. I am so blessed to know her.


At Bethel there was a spirit of worship. We could feel it as soon as we walked into the church. The worship music just flowed and I fell in love again. I suppose I am constantly falling in love with new things, new places, new people, all in different ways, but tonight I really fell in love with interlude. The part of worship where the song is through, but the music is still playing and the leaders haven’t started the next song yet. Unlike other churches the interludes here were filled with calls of praise and everyone was singing from their hearts, singing straight to their Creator, here instead of awkward transitions interludes were savored, expounded upon and even became new songs within themselves. It was a taste of Heaven. I felt the presence of the LORD open up especially in these interludes and I wanted more.

I am so hungry for the presence of the LORD and somewhat thankful that Isolation has fled for the presence of Communion…..Communion with my Maker, my Creator, Yeshua. I am so Hungry to Worship my God.

P.S. Read Isaiah 60.

It’s All Crazy! It’s all false! It’s All a Dream! It’s Alright!

mewithoutYou was playing. It’s my favorite band, the album It’s All Crazy it’s all false! It’s All a Dream! It’s Alright!. had been on repeat in my car for the past week. My 1992 Honda Accord (that is never supposed to start yet somehow always does) seemed to enjoy the music as well.

Outside the sun was shinning. I took a deep breath of the stale hot air and felt the world around me (my car’s AC doesn’t work, nor do the windows roll down therefore the air is always hot). I then began to ponder a new realization: the long awaited summer had arrived…yet for some reason I was still isolated.

I guess in a way I had invited Isolation to be my guest. I hadn’t told anyone I was home except my family. I suppose I wanted Isolation to come and visit me. I wanted him to join me listening to the newest album of mewithoutYou as we drove around town. Isolation sometimes is one of the most comforting emotions I could experience. No matter how many times I bump into him nowadays a sense of relief comes. Even though he’s a false emotion (in my opinion you can never really truly be with Isolation) I know that with Isolation’s company no one can judge me—save myself. However I found myself becoming tired of his dishonest demeanor and for some reason I wanted him to leave.

I turned my focus back to the music and I laughed as I heard about the Fox and Crow in track number two. I wondered if Isolation was smiling too. Perhaps not. Isolation never seemed to experience joy, except sometimes when I was with him because he knew that I enjoyed him. However now I think he had guessed I was bored of his company or lack of it.

I felt him preparing to leave, hoping to slip away unnoticed as I contrived a plan to go to Beth Yeshua in the morning.